Empty Promises

So I'm packing to head back to Dbq to stay there for a month to take a summer course for grad. school! Anyways, I was moving stuff around my room and packing/unpacking from college and to head back.....so I came across my stack of year books from Junior High and High School. So I decided to flip them open and read through them. I realize they are filled with so many empty promises. The fakeness that seeps through the pages. Especially the messages from my ex best friend. Reading through the pages all the times we have have this now odd sense to them. They were great don't get me wrong! I did miss having her as one of my best friends for quite some time, but I went to college and met new friends and grew close to them. But it's odd to ready the things she wrote: How we'd always be best friends forever, the boys in our lives, ducky ducky!, movies, sushi, Friday's!, swimming, ping-pong, tennis, volleyball, barnes and noble, anime, starbucks, coffee, dulce de leche ice cream, Ski!, piano, jokes, friends, hanging out, lack of sleep, chatting endlessly, etc. If there was one person in this world that I could say really knew me and knew me the best and could read my mind (because we had ESP like you wouldn't believe and had to think things and the other knew, we drove so many friends and boy-toys crazy with that one!),etc. So many good memories. The promises to always be friends, how we'd be each others maid of honor, planning wedding, vacations, jobs, Cali, I know this is a rant. But that was Anh and me in a nutshell: cute, sweet, and quirky! That's who we were. We were ourselves. I don't think I've been so open with anyone in my life besides her. I knew her and she knew me. The reason our friendship ended was a series of events that one could not control. Her boyfriend, then her ex, who was one of my good friends where he was like a brother to me, new boyfriends and friends, different classes and commitments, actions of her boyfriend at the time who accidentally was hitting on Arlene and me when he thought we were Anh, it was totally understandable, but yeah wasn't good! Just a lot of things. But what put the biggest wedge between us was the fight her and Arlene had....and trust me it was STUPID!!! But they stopped talking, and it trickled down to me not talking to her as well because I was stuck in the middle and Arlene and I were friends longer (2nd grade compared to 4th grade), but there was no question that I was closer to Anh than Arlene. I didn't have to chose, the choice was forced on me because I still talked to her now ex boyfriend, Arlene, and had new friends (not better ones at the time). I just can't believe Anh and I aren't friends at all. I remember the last time I tried to talk to her. It was at high school graduation. I said hi and congrats to her, and she said hi and walked about 20 feet away from me and just stood there doing nothing, talking to no one, just walked away from me. She hated me for things I couldn't control. It's stupid that friendship ever fell apart. If there was one person in this world that I ever wished I was friends with still....it's her. Maybe you can't understand that, but that's how close we were. We had a few little fights, be we always worked things out. We had a sorta fight with so many other complicated things on top of it that it just fell apart. I tried, but she was being a bitch about some stuff. I have photos from my birthday sitting out in my room from that year, and that's the last picture I have of the three crazy, smart, quirky, and sweet girls! :P

Reading my yearbooks are filled with empty promises not just from her, but from practically everyone. Is anyone really sincere today? There are messages in there from people I'm still friends with, I read those pages and am like wow, how am I still friends with them now, when I barely was senior year! But I'm glad I've become better friends with them since college! :)

I should get back to packing, I leave for Dbq tomorrow!!! Moving back to take a class into Brad and Ryan's apt! :) I'm excited! :P

Summer is getting underway

Well, I graduated three weeks ago now and I have been busy since. Florida, Dubuque, observing, finishing up school work, looking at summer school programs and graduate schools, playing sand volleyball, catching up with people, moving back into my house, etc... just been super busy lately...too busy to update

Well, Dubuque was a fun trip! Since then been hanging out with friends from Loras and high school friends and other random people I know through various things. Not been in a huge let's go out and party mood lately. Trying to settle back into living at home, which I'm not a huge fan of, but hey it's free and right now I could use that. Well, I need to go over and register for summer classes tomorrow which start next week. I need an anatomy course because I didn't do so hot in that course last semester just couldn't do the tests, they were coloring book pages and it was ridiculous. Like I knew the material but I could not do these tests because that's not the way I learn and prove that I know the material. Well, I got my A in field experience! :) That was my last class for Loras! I'm glad I'm done! Really proud of myself and I just got my diploma in the mail the day after I completed everything so it really made me feel like I completed things! I got to celebrate that night with Alison and her friends!

Seems like every few days I get text messages from Brad about how much he misses and wants me. lol! I just laugh and I'm such a tease to him! I know how he feels about me and how it's always been and how I've blown him off pretty much! He blew his chances and he blames me because I mention one guy...he needs to get over that! I actually just saw him a few days ago! All he does is work all the time, but we see each other about once a week it seems like! Nice to see a familiar face. We spent a majority of the time just chatting and catching up cuz it had been awhile for us. Not been on AIM much either of us, pretty much been playing tag backs on that and such! Been hanging out with Paul lately, good to see my "brother"! We went out with some of his friends a few days ago, only one of which I knew pretty well, but he told them I was his sister on the phone and they believed that we were actual family! I don't think we look like family at all, but that's my opinion!

Hmm...what else is new with me?! .....Got a new laptop which I also got a camcorder and $100 software along with my new computer! I like my new computer, trying to get used to Vista. I've been using Windows ME and XP and am so used to them. Vista is set up differently a bit. Also laptop is a lot bigger than my Loras issued IBM Think Pads! I looked at getting one, but I'm just not a huge fan, so I got a new Toshiba lap top! Nice core duo processor, 160 GB hard drive, etc. It's a Toshiba Satellite A205-4577 (i think that's the number on it) Got a front alignment on my car today after the whole ditch incident which is my uncle's fault, but on well. It wasn't pulling too horribly, but my dad wanted it done. So it's done! Drives much smoother now! :) I really like my car, it suits me and is so ME!!! I enjoy driving it around...I'm home and I don't even drive my other car! I love the bright blue Nissan Altima, but I'm so used to having my brother always drive that car that I just automatically drive my car around all the time!!!

Subdivision garage sale was this past weekend. So I've been doing paper work for that and everything else that goes along with that which is a lot since my mom organizes it. Actually it's more like I do everything. I sit down and do pretty much everything for it and her name is on it! Kinda with most things it seems like. She volunteers to do that stuff yet I end up doing a large majority of the work. I sat down typed up the whole list, did the maps, money, delivered all the stuff, put up signs, edited the letters, got the permits from village hall, newspaper ads, etc. Pretty much I did everything and all she did was look over everything I did for typing errors, which there was pretty much none, just a few edits on the garage sale listing because of what people wrote. Pretty much ran out garage sale too. Sold pretty much all my stuff was out there minus some clothes and stuffed animals.

Well, I'll be starting summer school next week, so that will be keeping me busy until the first week of August! Grrr...dreading class! My dad told me today I don't need to get a job if I don't want to. But I want to, but I might just wait to see how the whole schooling thing is going since I'm also working on observational hours. Problem is this class is from 3-6PM four days a week so it leaves me the mornings to do observation.

Realm of boys....well Dbq was fun, that guy didn't make it out with us because of work and family commitments, but it wasn't a big deal. At least he felt bad about it. He's like I really wanted to come out with you and I want to see you. He's like next time you come, give me a heads up and I'll come out! Then I wrote him an email because he thought I had some hidden agenda because he's like your friends have had such good things about you they must be covering things up! I'm not sure what all they said, I only know some of what they said...but what they said about me was true. He just can't believe all of it. He's like it's too good to be true. Anyways, to make a long story short we're good now! We spent like 4 hours chatting yesterday it was good....pretty natural. Stop talking for a bit on and off, you know how that goes....I kinda got sucked into the Cubs game and ignored him a bit, but he understood! He's a Cubs fan too!! :) YEAH!!! Anyways, I do like him. Not in love with him, I'm getting to know him, but I like what I know! But you know me, I'm too rational. I can't see getting involved right now because of being so busy and having other priorities right now!!! I'm not looking for a relationship at all right now, but if the right guy comes along under the right circumstances, I wouldn't pass up that opportunity!

Well, I'm watching the Cubs game still! It was good to see Soriano for 5 for 5 last night and is finally earning that pay check of his! Anyways, update more regularly now that I have a lap top and wireless once more! :)