Last Call Bar Crawl Class of 2007!!!!

This weekend was fun! Friday I caught up on very much needed sleep! You know I need to sleep when pretty much I slept from 9PM-10Am!!! That's a whole lot more than my normal 4 hours or less!!!



Saturday was SENIOR BAR CRAWL!!!! Started drinking at about 1PM and drank until about 1AM!!! It was a blast and so much fun! I hardly spent any money which was awesome because we had really good drink specials when you wore your baby blue bar crawl shirt! Anyways, it was tons of fun! This was the end of the night! It's the three main girls and me in the middle and our new different friend Alison on one end and Katy hiding behind Margo on the other! Lot 1 was our last stop! Amy, Rachel, and me didn't make it to Paul's Tavern because we went to meet some people for dinner at the Busted Lift!




Sunday was homework day. So I did a bunch of homework. Went to Alison's play, All about Jack, it was cute! She was great in it! Then her, Latoya, some new boy of Latoya's, and I went out for ice cream at cold stone! We were the first there, but then before we knew it, tons of people were there! The boy I met last weekend at a party called me earlier in the evening but I told him I couldn't go out until 9ish. Anyways, he ended up falling asleep and turned his phone off so that when I called him back I didn't get a hold of him; hence, I went out for ice cream with the girls! Anyways, then he called me around 10ish so we hung out. It was fun, watched Sin City chatted a bit. But I can't help to say, I had fun, but I kept finding my mind wandering over to someone else. I really missed him last night. Yeah I had fun, but fun on a friendship level. I'm not interested in him romantically at all, he's a good guy, just not my type and he doesn't make me feel anything. It's hard to know the way a certain guy made me feel by simply brushing against me would just run a wave of emotion through my blood warming me! I know that sounds crazy, but that's exactly how it felt! Maybe that's why I can't stop thinking about this guy when I have time to think about guys....which if you knew me, isn't all that often cuz I'm always busy with school!! Anyways the best part was this morning when I woke up, he had left me an IM! :) It was just nice to get a hey from him, seems like we're always missing each other! :( Oh well, it happens!!! But I do miss him and I haven't forgot about him enough yet, obviously! It will pass being that there's too many circumstances keeping us apart! Just is going to take time and someone amazing to get me to stop thinking about him tomorrow! Doesn't make me feel so guilty about thinking about this guy while I was on my date on Sunday night! Cuz I felt really guilty and I know that sounds crazy! But my last date before that was with that guy...and it just made me miss him! So it made me smile to find an IM from him! It's not that I lost hope, it's just, well I know it's a lost cause at this current moment in time, but I wish it wasn't, but it's for reasons beyond control that things are as such! It happens! But it's not that I lost or lose hope, even if it seems like that at times, it's just I know that at this very minute it is a lost cause! Don't get me wrong, I hope beyond belief and I will always hope, but I'm not the type of girl who gets hung up on a guy or let's that get to her.

Anyways, I have a busy day tomorrow and I'm going to try to actually get some sleep for once! Crazy, I know! lol! Busy day for me tutoring at Senior all day! Night night! Sweet dreams all~ :P

Over and Over

I love this song by Three Days Grace off of their One X album "Over and Over"

I feel it everyday it's all the same
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame
I've tried everything to get away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?

Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to

It feels like everyday stays the same
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?

Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try

So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead
I know what's best for me
But I want you instead
I'll keep on wasting all my time

Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to

It's weird all the lyrics don't work with how I'm feeling , just bits and pieces. It's weird cuz the last time I had a conversation face to face with this guy this song was playing. We were having a serious conversation and were kissing goodbye in the car to the chorus of this song. Every time I hear this song, I think of him and that kiss....even though that wasn't our last kiss. Chorus is just kinda perfect in a way cuz it's kinda true...
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to
He's never been anything but himself, and I fell a bit for him. Sucks he's not around. I really hope one day we get our act together and give it a try. I never meant to fall for him a bit, but I did. I just can't seem to fall for the guys here who like me. I just don't. We all know I have a handful of guys here who like me. I just don't feel anything for them. The one guy I did for awhile, but he messed that one up all on his own. Then he gets on my case because I talk about one guy and tell him that I like this guy, but god forbid that...when all he does is talk about a million different girls. It doesn't make me jealous, just turns me away completely. If you like someone, don't talk about a million other girls. You can be subtle and give hints about the person you like, especially when you both know what you are talking about. I'm old-fashioned that was a problem too! He liked me so much, but thought I would never like him even a bit...that was his mistake cuz he didn't take the risk. I dunno, I felt like recently I took a huge risk.....and I dunno......I dunno why I even try or bother....being that it's pointless! :( Sucks!

So yesterday was return of all the boys I liked, dated, or was very good friends with......not even kidding you and I'm not going to classify what they are, if you know me you'd know the answer to all of them! Let's start with the phone calls/text....normal daily ones from Brad, wait I also got one a piece from Aaron. Next on to IM's....duh...Brad, Kyle, Brian, Joe, Aaron, Vilius, Vytas, and three others I'm not going to name for certain reasons.

I had a shitty day yesterday to begin with cuz of my computer...pretty much I'm not going to start about it, but this sets the scene and mood: Lost all my notes for my huge anatomy test and lost the 2nd rewrite of my 20-page research paper....end story I had to rewrite the whole damn thing for the 3rd time starting at about 2 PM and it was due by 5PM! Eek! So I was have a shitty day...oh and my parents calls and yelled at me at about 5PM...and then the IM's came pouring at about 3 or4 PM....from all the above listed or unlisted. My favorite IM came from Vilius! He left me a cute message to cheer me up since my away message was something along like, "Having a fucking bad day....leave me something to smile about~". Anyways, he left me something cute, too bad I was too busy working on my paper to talk to him! I haven't talked to him in awhile since he doesn't have Internet anymore...so we've been exchanging convos through facebook, but we both get too busy and forget to reply back after we read them for a few weeks half the time...I've been awful at that lately! I haven't seen him since he came to visit me here which was like the end of November! I wasn't home ever to see him over winter break like we had planned...opps!

These IM's from all these people just really took me back and made me reflect back on everything lately. In a way they represent different stages of me and growth in an odd way, some more than others. Especially the ex boyfriends and the ones I was pretty much seeing but not officially dating, but everyone knew we were "together." One of the ex is more haunting than the others....but he's one I didn't list...I don't want to think of that one. He tried to leave me something to smile about but instead it was just weird to list a joke that we had together...it was awkward and out of place. Wow....I can't tell you the last time I even thought about him, talked to him, etc. I can't remember things between us even if I try, I just don't recognize myself cuz it was so long ago etc. But the guys of more recently, which the ones above are but aren't too, but it's just weird. The worst part is the only guy I currently like, I haven't talked to in awhile again. Part of me wishes that he didn't come just so we'd always talk like we did before he came....I'd rather just have that hope then to know that there just isn't really after he left. It's not that it's lost hope, but it feels that way more and more everyday! He used to get online and IM like all the time....and now it's never...only when I IM him, and I can't explain why I just really don't...it's hard to explain....I can't, it's feelings and not words.

But I missed him last night. I had an awesome time out with my girls, but we were dancing and drinking a lot at the end of the night! I honestly remember stop dancing at one point and time and I thought about him! I thought about sending him a text message says I'm out at the bars, drinking and dancing....you owe me a dance remember?! miss ya! But I didn't, I couldn't. I hadn't planned on running into Aaron at all, but I did. He said hi like the second I got there and is like brb. A few minutes later he has his arms around me and giving me a hug from behind and starts dancing behind me when I was just standing there talking to my friends. I liked dancing with him in the past, we had fun.....especially the one night at the Colosseum...I think that's one of my favorite memories of him and I. So I danced with Aaron for awhile....then he grabbed my hand and was like come to Lot 1 with me! But I chatted for awhile, and slipped away discretely back to my friends...I just didn't want to go with him. I just don't. Anyways, then Rachel's boyfriend's friends were there and ended up dancing with one of them on and off throughout the night! It was fun, but when I got home I missed him....sent him an im about going out dancing and how he should have been there! I really wish he had been here longer than just two days....but something is better than nothing! We had a great night out!!! Seems like our best nights out always start without the guys...and then we meet up with them halfway through the night!!

When I got home, I ended up chatting on AIM with a few people. Had a really nice convo with Vyts. We started talking awhile ago. We keep trying to actually see each other in person, but we're on such different schedules that we haven't had time to! When I drove someone down to the Quad Cities to catch his ride home I was going to meet up with him for lunch, but I ended up wanting to get back to school and he had volunteered to do something until 4PM...so he's like if you want to at 4PM....but I was going to drive an hour north to drive another hour back south to drive an hour back north to campus. We were going to meet for dinner like a week earlier since last second I ended up down in Clinton...anyways, yet again we couldn't for certain reasons. So then he was going to call me over Easter, but he was too busy and I would have been too! Just life is crazy it seems like! We're going to try to hang out over the summer and catch up....I'm not sure how I feel about that! Scared, weird, awkward, etc...sums it up..pretty mixed emotion about that one.

I better get back to studying!!! EEKK! later~

The weekend I was looking forward to...

Well, the weekend that I was looking forward to so much has passed! I had a great weekend with this guy I like. He came to visit when he didn't have to, but he wanted to! :) He learned there's not much in Dbq, but we still had a good time despite my friends being unavailable to hang out for certain reasons. Anyways, we had fun went out to dinner, hung with friends, watched movies, drove around the area, etc. I think the best part of the weekend was the fact that he came. I only wished he would have stayed! I really didn't want him to go, we had a great weekend! Although I'm disappointed in myself for not saying how I felt about him and the fact I acted really distant on Sunday when he had to leave to go back home....too bad he's so far away! :( I had a really great time, just timing sucks and I dunno what I'm doing coming up here shortly! The future has too many unknowns!

Saturday night was fun! He took me out for Sushi at the new Japanese restaurant! I've never had sushi before then! It was so good!!! I love it! Then we hung out at The Lounge, a quiet spot that makes Swamp Water! It's good with tons of alcohol in it!!! But, it just so happened my one group of friends were there! So the guys came up to me and said hi and a few gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek cuz that's the way they are with all the girls! Anyways, worst part was my ex was there. Of course he kept smiling at me and waving at me from the bar and starting. So I was like come say hi and stop staring! I'm sure this annoyed the guy I went with, he seemed a bit annoyed I knew people but didn't really introduce him, cuz they came to quickly say hi and leave! Anyways...so Aaron came over and wanted to chat a bit. But of course he wanted a hug first and my guy seemed a bit like wtf is going on and who are all these people! lol! Anyways, we had fun eating popcorn and having a few drinks together and just chatting! It was nice to spend time with him, I never really had! I like just being around him and the way he made me feel. I can't explain it, but I liked being all curled up next to him watching movies and chatting! It was comfortable, which anyone who knows me knows that is a very hard thing for me to do! I'm just not open and comfortable around people cuz I don't like to get hurt. I don't let a lot of people into my life. I enjoy being alone to come extent! I like having alone time and just doing what I need to do and enjoying things I love no matter if anyone else does! I never look for approval. I'm me and that's all I know how to be. Anyways, I wish he was closer.

Now that he's gone it's weird. He used to get online and IM all the time and we'd chat. Since he's left, he's barely said a word! :( It confuses me. He tells me he had a great time here, kisses me goodbye. Tells me online he had a great time and then that's it. We don't talk anymore! He never IM's, e-mails, messages me, texts, or calls me like he has in the past! I didn't realize anything changed between us! We both knew this weekend was for fun and that we couldn't be together if we wanted to because of how far we are and who knows when we'll see each other next! I guess I'm disappointed and let down. I hate that! So my friend who's at school has tried to sweep in thinking that in some way I'm emotionally vulnerable and try to step back into my life sorta like a boyfriend. Of course he's naive and doesn't know me well enough to know that his plan doesn't work! He sends me text messages all the time which are like I miss you, come sleep with me, I want to cuddle with you, etc. Funny how I ignore them or respond with I'm too busy or uninterested! I don't think he'll ever get the hint! Don't get me wrong, I like hanging out with him, but that's it! I see him as a friend. I know if I wanted a boyfriend I could have one. I have my choices of three guys at school, but I just don't like them the way they like me. If I had my choice, I do have someone I'd like to date if only the circumstances surrounding that was different, but it's not! I'm happy the way I am for the most part! I do miss having someone in my life, but it's not essential by any means!

Anyways, I'm back at home in the burbs. Nice to be home sorta. I haven't spent any time at home, I've been avoiding it! But it was nice to get away from Dbq, although it's really grown on me more recently. I'm actually going to miss it, and I actually never thought I would! But I'm at home which means I can download ANIME again!! So i'm enjoying and checking out some newer stuff! :) Sucks being home though, I don't talk to anyone here anymore nor do they talk to me. I'm stil friends with some people, but very loosely! I hung out with Paul, he's about the only one I always see and hang out with over all my breaks when I'm at home! No one else calls me but him. I guess that says a lot! My friends from school call, but that's about it. Anyways, I think I'm going to hang out with some people from school tonight who live about 25 minutes away! later~