Back at school

Being back in Dubuque has been a blast so far! Yesterday I pretty much spent the day over at Byrne Oaks. Hung out with the guys and then the girls came too! Had an interesting day! Finished off the practical joke on Jean! It was very bad timing and she got really upset, but rightfully so! The joke was hilarious though, but now the guys feel like assholes, and they should! Hung out most of the day! Went to the store, out to dinner at Olive Garden (Yum!), saw Cars at the $1.50 theater, and then watched Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang! I thought Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang was really good! I really like how it was told! So one of the movies I needed to watch has now been watched and can be marked off my list of movies to watch! :) Had a good night just hanging out with everyone, but unfortunately today that changes. Now I'm the one who is going to be left out and never called or talked to anymore because my ex moved into the apartment some time today....so yeah! This isn't going to be good, but this is just the way it is! Oh well, nothing I can really do about that! Well, I suppose I should get a move on in finishing moving in all my stuff, I still have stuff just lying about everywhere....oh well! I'll get to that soon enough! Kind of sad that I forgot all my posters and stuff though! :( Oh well, I 'll have to get them later! Worst part is, my dad left all my clothes on hangers at home...which was all my nice going out kind of stuff, so if you see me around campus in t-shirts all the time and that's it, that's why! Well, more reason to go home in about 3 or 4 weeks! :) Well, I better get going on showering and what not since we all need to in the house....going out with my girls and their boyfriends tonight since it is Joe's birthday! Catch me if you can... ;)

Is it bad that I keep thinking about you?!

I moved into my house at Loras today!!! :) First semester Margo and I are going to share a room, and then second semester we're going to switch with Brita and Andrea for the singles! :) I didn't really unpack though! opps! I'll get around to it tomorrow! Just had more like community moving of large furniture today! Lugged this damn desk out of the room into the dining room! I'll take some pictures when I unpack and find my camera...I think it's in a box at home that my dad is bringing on Saturday!

Tonight was fun hanging out with people! Went out to dinner with Post, Nikki, Hnilo, and Hnilo's brother "Hollywood" as Post would say! Nice catching up with them! Then Hnilo, Hnilo's brother, and me were bored and decided to launch water balloons at the froshies who had to assemble onto the football field. It was funny! Best part is, I didn't get in trouble, but the football guys who were watching us got into trouble! lol! It was fun! Then Balk called me and I met up with him and his apartment to watch Serenity! I like that movie, it's something I haven't ever gotten tired of watching, although I've seen in like 6 or 7 times now! Still good! Then Balk, Rubbs, and me hung out after the movie because everyone else went to bed! Then we headed down to visit the girls, Jean and Beer! :) Nice to see them both! Met Jean's boyfriend Marty?! (I think that was his name, opps!) Had a good time hanging out with them! I've missed my friends! Well that's one of the groups, I'm not sure I'll be so close with them when Tlach comes! We'll see! It's just like I'm invited over whenever, but it's HIS place too, ya know?! I mean I don't want to seem like the girl who is hanging around, but the truth is, I honestly don't feel a damn thing for him anymore, I haven't for awhile! But things are going to be a little weird for me just because! Partially because I realize that I'm not as close with some of them because I was dating Tlach and spent so much time with him! It's just weird because the last two school years I've been dating him and now I'm not! It's just weird not having someone around if that makes any sense! Maybe that's why I thought of you tonight! Last night wasn't what I planned for our last night! Things were said that had to be, but even after knowing all of that, I still can help to wish you were here with me! To wish it was you at my door kissing me and picking me up (but not dropping me on my head! lol) I miss you! I know I shouldn't, I should be missing a different guy that I had been seeing this summer, but no, it's you that I miss! Bad timing I know, but I've always liked you as my little secret over the years! You've always been there for me no matter what! You've never turned your back on me! I know you've changed and you're not that asshole you used to be, and I'm glad you've changed! But that part of you is in there somewhere and has made you a better person, but it's still a part of you, a part I can't ignore! I wish I could ignore those things, but I know I can't! I've always known that you wanted me....I've always been a tease with you! But it's been too little too late, as the summer has whined down, you decide to pop back into my life, but bad timing! You actually had a chance for once! Amazing I know, although you think you've always had a chance with me and that a part of me has always liked you! Truth is, I liked you when I first met you, but that slipped away very quickly, but this is the first time I've actually started to like you in what about 5 years now!?! It was sophomore year of high school! Wow, time has slipped by! But I was out having fun, but out of leftfield, you entered my mind! I wish you hadn't, but you did! I thought about calling you, but I knew you'd be at work until midnight or 1AM! :( Boo! But you're at home, and I'm in Dubuque, 3 hrs away! It's weird knowing that there's something going on between us right now, but we're not 20 minutes apart anymore! I remember sitting there during the movie and thinking about you! How we've never watched a movie ever when we hang out! I mean we've never even thought about putting one in, not that we were "watching" one and didn't see any of it...lol! The only time we watched a movie was when we went to the movie theater...I think a grand total of 2-3 times!!!! I just thought about last night! The way you grabbed me and pulled me up close to you on the couch! I enjoyed it then, and miss it now! I sit at my computer typing this, and thinking about last night with you!

Although we didn't leave on a high note persay, I think our very serious conversation had many good points! I think we became closer, but at the same time it made me put up a wall! I also feel bad that for some reason, you have a million reasons why not to let someone close to you! But it's you who chase me, always have and always will, even you say so yourself! I'm the girl you always wanted, but I'm not easy! Still not....nor ever will be! I like the newer u, the changed you, it's that guy who I started to like! Not that I didn't like you before, it's just I never took you seriously or really liked you more than friends! I feel bad you think that I've always liked you on and off when we see each other, but that's only true for you! I've never really liked you until now! But now I know I could never be with you after our little talk! Knowing that makes me wish I wouldn't think about you! But I am. Is it bad that I keep thinking about you!?!? I wish I had more time to know.

So much for no more regrets....

I realize now as I pack how much I regret about this summer! I regret many things, not things I didn't do, but for once things I did! I think somewhere along the lines I forgot to stop and think about things at times! I wish I spent most of my summer with this one guy....I haven't really seen him much all summer...like twice I think! But last time I saw him he confused how much he liked me and how much he wishes I was his girlfriend....yes I know creepy, but a bit sweet at the same time. It's just like it's too late! I'm leaving...why tell me 4 days before I'm supposed to leave?! What's the point when he already knows that! I mean I originally met him on a blind date two of my friends set me up on! It was the worst blind date I've ever been on, but me and him managed a friendship and that has been on and off a bit more, but not really! He's one of the few that have come to visit me at college! Although his motives have been somewhat annoying in the past, but he stopped being like that for once, which is nice! But still, I just don't see him and me together....is it weird to know there's a guy out there who wants you to be his in the end, but I have no interest really at all! When the one a part of my heart has always belonged is someone I barely talk to anymore! That's life for you! I'm just going with the flow of things, but for once I really regret two things all concerning with a person. I really wish nothing happened between this guy and me. I feel like every time we hang out with other friends there that it's just awkward. I feel awkward hanging around with him after everything has happened! I regret getting drunk with him in June and there after! I mean what was really the point. I didn't mind the drinking with him, but it's everything else that seemed to follow our MO after just one time of seeing each other. I feel like I was more or less just on the rebound, but usually you attach a bit to someone you have feelings for! But I didn't, I attached just a bit to a guy I've never liked for more than a split second (and that was even years ago), but our chemistry has never been great. Which is why I regret even more things! I know I'm being vague....I'm not a name dropper and it's better that I don't drop names just in case people come across this! I really wish for once I could take things back in my life, but it's too late. At the time I didn't regret things, but now my last day at home, I realize how much I do. I really wish I had hung out with the volleyball crew more, I had a great time just chilling with them last night! But now, we're off on our separate ways! I think the one thing I missed this summer more than anything was my best friend! I really missed now having her around! I wish she was here and we spent more time together or that I had gone down and visited her at school on the weekends or something! See it's usually the things I don't do that I regret....it feels worse to regret things you actually did though...things you can never take back or ever get back....

Fun Filled Evenings

Well this weekend has been overall enjoyable! Friday, Helms, Tian, Tyson, and me went to Counting Crows and Goo Goo Dolls in Tinley Park. I enjoyed the concert! Counting Crows were very acoustic and drew out there songs much too long for my taste! I would have enjoyed a regular version of just one of their hits instead of a 5 minute song turned into practically a 20 minute song! I really liked the Goo Goo Dolls, but they weren't amazing or anything! I personally enjoyed them more because I know their music much better than the Counting Crows. I was disappointed that the Goo Goo Dolls didn't play a Big Machine or Sympathy, but they played most of their other hits! Although I must complain just a bit, I think both of their encores sucked! Counting Crows' was horrible and Goo Goo Dolls' was just barely better, but they still were very bad encore sets! Accompanying the music was a lovely rainstorm! Although I did have a very weird graduation sign to hide under, inevitably, I still got wet! Overall, it was a fine last evening to spend with those guys! Then I had a lovely visitor at 4AM! I just really don't want to start anything with him right now! I prefer being single and going out and having fun!

Last night was Tyson's 21st Birthday! So that was a fun evening! I'm still a very quiet and shy girl, so it took me awhile to have fun! But by the end of the night I was having a great time and not being so quiet anymore either! I had a good time drinking, chatting, dancing, etc! It was a fun evening! By the end of the night I was drunk out of my mind! :) A very much needed drunk out of my mind night! I had a good time, I don't remember a whole lot, but it was fun! I remember a lot of what happened until we hit up Stardusty (or whatever it was) and then about halfway through being there it was just craziness! I remember loud music, being very drunk, dancing with Tyler who asked me to dance, throwing ice at people, chatting with people, and definitely flirting with the guys just a bit, not a lot like I do when I go to the bars, because I wasn't interested in any of them, but flirting with them because it's something fun to do and not giving a damn at all about it. It's nights like these that I love being single, going out and having a good time and not really caring! I remember flirting with Dave at the end of the night, I was bored. He had the most appeal of the guys that went out with us that night, well Tyler was pretty cute, but I didn't even want to start in with him and his ex girlfriend who was there with us! I prefer to stay out of drama! But he was cute! I had fun flirting with him! Dave kept trying to grope me at the bar, and then someone else was trying too from the backseat of the car, wtf! I say pretty much everything is a blurr with some memory since the time Tyler and I started dancing! After that, it's very bits and pieces here and there! I do remember someone grabbing me and starting to make out with me! Yeah, I told myself I wasn't going to do that whole thing ever again, but somehow that didn't happen! I'm pretty sure drunkenness took over me and I don't remember a whole lot about anything that happened once I got back to the apartment, but I do remember someone pushing me up against the elevator and started making out with me! I don't remember getting out of the elevator though! The parts of the night that I do recall were fun, well not so much right at first becuase it takes me a bit to get to know people and start talking, but once I was comfortable with people I had a good time! Although, I woke up with my head hurting, very tired, hung over, and it looks like I got beamed by a 55mph softball pitch on my thigh! I haven't the faintest idea how I got it, I don't remember walking into anything or anything! But it hurts like hell and swelled up very nicely just like what happend when I play softball and get pegged hitting! Umm..yeah last night is a lot of a blurr, I started remembering more of it when I talked to two people, one which was there and one that wasn't, who was just wondering what I was up to last night! So I guess here's to drunk nights I will never remember with friends I will never forget!

Well, just got off the phone with my ex...I took a very long break, not that you would know! He called so we chatted for a little over an hour. That was an interesting and him being jealous conversation. He wasn't pleased to hear I was out drinking and partying last night! If I told him really anything about that night he would probably kill me. He hates to here I'm going out and getting drunk, even worse like last night being wasted! He wouldn't like the flirtatious me, but that's his problem! I think we'll be fine as friends, but it's just like wow some days still....I mean we're friends it's going to be okay...move on and stop worrying about me or whatever! There's things I just can't tell him though no matter what, well unless he becomes annoying or whatever, I do hold the key to the one thing that would make him never talk to me again! That's because I know him so well that I know what buttons to hit and just how to make him hurt, I know that's evil, but I know exactly what to do. I'm like that with a bunch of people, I know just how to manipulate them enough to get a desired result, yes evil I know, but I'm just smart like that I guess you could say! But I'm not mean about it, I know when to use the knowledge I know and when not to! Well, I have things to do, so I better get a move on...later!

How did I manage this....

Umm...I'm kind of seeing someone! AHHH!! That wasn't the plan! No dating anyone until after a date I picked out awhile ago becauseI was sick of stupid shit with boyfriends! We're not offically dating, but we pretty much committed to something last night...I suppose that is going to be defined before I leave for school on Wednesday! Oh the life I lead somedays...

Update: Not dating him, we're just friends, I took care of the the next afternoon! I don't want to date anyone right now! Hence me not allowing myself to date him and to get out of all the craziness going on in my life! So I can just keep going out and having fun!

How did this just happen!?!

OMG! WTF....how the hell did this happen?! This is going to be stupid!

Summer is coming to an end! :(

Well people are leaving/ have already left for college!!! :( Mostly everyone is leaving by Sunday!!!! :( Unfortunately for me, I'm one of the last ones here for those that don't commute to school! I don't start until the 28th! There's a few others who are in the same boat as me though! :) But only a handful!

This past Monday was supposed to be our last sand volleyball outing, but tonight was a last second split decision to play 2v3 at 7 tonight! Last second we rounded up Kush, Vileus, Miguel, Scott, and then me which they finally got a hold of since I was eating dinner at the time! So I ended up showing up late! Had fun playing 2v3 sand volleyball which may have been for the last time this summer with that crew! We're thinking about attempting to play tomorrow, but we'll see! Hopefully we can and at 6:30 since now it's too dark to play by 8:30 which sucks! We used to be able to play from 7-10!!! Summer sun is sinking fast! :(

In other news, went to see Dave yesterday evening! That was fun! I haven't seen him since December at one of our parties! So yeah...it was very nice to see him! I feel bad i haven't really kept in touch with him! (or anyone else for that matter!) I just suck at keeping in touch with people! It's just, I'm not big on the phone, but I'll chat online, but that's not the same as hanging out with people and sharing more fun times together! I do feel bad that I'm not closer with some of my friends, but we're back to school! It's always too little too late! Makes me sad too that not only am I missing out on knowing my friends better from senior year, but that I just started making better friends with the volleyball crew! We had a good time tonight hanging out after sand volleyball and watching V for Vendetta!

Well, I'm super excited for the Goo Goo Dolls/Counting Crows Concert on Friday!!! :) Plus my rents are going out of town to visit my brother for his soccer tourney in Akron! :) So I'll have the house to myself! Sweet!!!

The Rebel that I am

If you tell me I can't do something or I know I shouldn't...chances are I've always wanted to. But now there is a difference between what is right and wrong. I'm the girl who will prove you wrong if I believe in it myself. Tell me I can't do something, chances are I probably will! I've always been like that. I guess that's why I'm a rebel...sometimes more than others! If I know I shouldn't like someone, I probably will just for that fact, but it doesn't mean anything, but that's typical me. I know I'm not supposed to do something, but I'll want to, but again that's just me. I think everyone is like that though, I mean you tell them no you can't do that whatever it is, and I bet they would like to prove you wrong, just because.

I've always been the girl who doesn't give a damn what you think about me. I've never needed anyone's approval or anyone's friendships. I'm just not the type of person who thrives off of other people supporting me, truth is I've always supported myself my entire life! I know friends take offense to that, but the truth is there is a difference between between absolutely needing something and having something nice in your life that you value and cherish in its own way! Friendships I value in a different sort of way! I have my few select very close friends...which makes me a bit sad thinking about it now because it's our last year of college together! :( Amy will be off to med. school probably at Iowa. Rachel will be going to St. Ambrose for grad school. I haven't a clue what Jackie, Margo, and Katy are doing yet, but they all live in Iowa! I don't know where I'm going to grad school, but it won't be in Iowa! It will be in Illinois around Chicago most likely, well, that's what I would like at least! Just sad it's going to be our last year together! Also makes me really happy that I didn't transfer to Augustana or Western Michigan my sophomore year! I was committed to going to Augustana, but then I decided to go back to Loras for a lot of reasons! I'm really glad I did! I didn't enjoy Loras the first year, I really loved Augustana! I loved the people there and hanging out with them and what not! I never had a bad weekend there even if we didn't do much! But for those reasons is why I didn't enjoy Loras so much...I never really made close friends, I mean I made friends, but over the summer and the next school year I got a lot closer to my one group of friends and then I made a bunch of new ones! But I'm so excited for the school year to start! I really can't wait! Yeah! I get to move in a week and a half!!! :) I'm ready to be back and hang out with everyone! But I'll miss people from home since I'm the last to leave for those that go away for school! I'm always the last to leave and the first to return! How typical! A handful of us will be continuing our education too, while other will delay it for a few years for their own reasons.

The next year everything is really going to change. I always be the same person pretty much, but my world will change. Next summer I'll start grad. school. All my friends will be going in different directions for the first time in our lives! Many of us will leave home and find jobs who knows where or go to grad/medical schools around the country! For the first time we'll be really spread out and not concentrated in the midwest! It's going to be different! Makes me realize how much I suck at keeping in touch with people! I did a very bad job of that most of the time when I was at college and we were only 3+ hrs away or more! I'd saw we all averaged to go to school about three hours away from home or, but it makes it more especially when I go west and others went east, so then it's like 6 hrs away! It's these facts more than anything that has been on my mind! It's why I won't commit to any relationship with any guy! I've had chances all summer with different guys! I mean I could have finally gotten one of the guys I've always wanted, but I said no when he asked me out, I just couldn't! Not now, I enjoy talking to him, but I would never see him! He goes to school about 6 hrs away from where I do, so yeah, umm..that's not gonna work for me! No more than 3 hrs away, and even that is a lot! But I'd rather date someone I went to school with or no one! I'm enjoying being single, which is also why I've said no to people who are at home and what not! It's just like wow...can I be single for just a little while?! I haven't really been single in about 4 years! I'm always sorta seeing someone....oh wait....I am now! I'm sort of seeing more than one guy right now....opps! I've been going out on dates with this one guy and just chillin' with another. So yeah...no big deal! I guess that is the one thing that suprises people because I don't talk about any of it! If they ask what I did last night and I saw one of those two guys, I usually say nothing, or I went out with some other friends. Depends who I'm talking to and what not. I mean it's none of anyone's business as far as I'm concerned! I just don't inform people about my personal life.

I think most people would honestly be shocked about my personal life. They would be shocked by the people I've dated. Even more suprised by the guys I've kissed. lol....I will always laugh about a certain guy. Almost every guy who has ever kissed me has asked me out! Although I'd say more than half the guys I've dated asked me out first before we kissed. Weird or what?! I have to shake my head about the one guy junior year of high school! I can't help but laugh, and I bet people wouldn't believe me. But I was the mystery girl, and people we're talking about who is this girl that has this guy all wrapped up in high school! I laughed so hard then and even now! I remember sitting in two of my classes around a few of his friends and they didn't know him and I had been friends and been hanging out. I over heard a lovely story on Monday morning about how this guy has been MIA from there stuff because he's hanging out with some mystery girl. All he would tell them is that I went to Central with them. But the truth is, him and I never saw each other around school! We had very different schedules despite the fact that we took a lot of the same honors and AP courses! So I never saw him at school! I had pre season softball stuff, so I had stuff I always was up to as soon as the official school day ended! Him and I had different passing periods between 4-8 due to our lunch times that were different! So yeah...I never saw him around school! So then the question is how did him and I start hanging out! Well, we did some outside school activities in groups we were in! We worked together doing different programs throughout the week in the late afternoon and evening hours! So yeah...yeah for being the mystery girl. I ended up sitting next to one of his friends and he was chatting with one of their other close friends and they were like who is this girl...lol...and I was sitting right behind him! Ha! Wow...old memories! Back in the day! I bet none of you could guess who that guy was! So funny! Funniest part, I never said yes to dating him! I always said no because he was a great guy, but he wasn't boyfriend material, not at all! We were "seeing each other" for about two months and no one was none the wiser! The quiet girl in the classroom always had a trick up her sleeve! :) Still does! :)

Back from being busy....

Well, this girl is back from traveling! I spent the earlier part of this week in Akron with my brother. His place is really nice! There's four guys all with their own rooms, two bathrooms, nice living room, big kitchen, porch, lounge area outside their door since they live upstairs. It's a house pretty much made into two flats, and the boys are living upstairs! Nice and cheap! The guy just redid the whole house and it's all refurbished and what not! It's only $250 a month plus utilities, which if you ask me is awesome! Especially for how nice his place is! I can do that in dbq for for some crappy place! Yuck!

Before I left for Akron, I'd been busy actually hanging out with friends! Went to see Talladega Nights: The Ballard of Ricky Bobby with pretty much the whole old group that was in town plus a few others! Went to dinner, had drinks, went to game works again! Zombies are awesome! YUM! :)

So yeah, been busy! But now I'm back home! :) Taking it easy the first day! Today is day two of being back home, so needless to say I was back on my old schedule being busy and what not! Well, not a whole lot exciting going on besides my usual stuff. Got bored of my cocktails on my background, I was feeling a bit of my Asian flare today, so this is my new background! It's of Osaka, Japan! Enjoy!

Apparently I'm leaving town on Monday or Tuesday...

So yeah, my Dad forgot to inform me that my brother's house is not going to be done until Saturday morning now....so now I'm home for the weekend. Now we're leaving either Monday or Tuesday for Akron! (and then maybe to PA...still not sure about that one) Craziness! So yeah, now I'm home for the weekend, so that when Arlene comes back from her Vegas weekend, I'll be leaving town for a few days. It was going to work nicely with me being gone this weekend too, oh well!

Went too see the Number 1 new show...Miami Vice! It was alright. I felt like they tried to almost make the story line too complicated at times. But overall, it was alright. It had a good feel for the type of movie it was. But I wasn't overly all impressed. I stopped looking forward to movies because I'm always disappointed. So now I always head to the movies with an open mind and I try not to watch the constant trailers for new movies on TV...they are just too hyped and show all the good parts! Movie advertising is in need for some serious change!

Last night was fun up at Woodfield. Went to Gameworks before seeing Miama Vice. Grabbed some drinks! Yum, PEACHTREE!!! :) Played some games! It's just nice to go out with people again who are not stupid and boring. I'm sick of my other friends who are like what do u want to do, i dunno, what do u want to do...and we'll do that the whole night and probably never leave the house. Or we'll do that sitting at someone's house and only end up flipping through the television...boring!!!

Anyways, I've been in a fashion mood lately. Maybe it's because Project Runway season 3 has recently started. I have to admit, I'm not as crazy about the show this time around, but I probably will like it more once I get to know the designers a bit better. The more times you watch the show, the more of a feel you get for them. I know I don't dress very fahionably by any means. I do know what's in and out and what this fall's latest trends, colors, make-up, and hair are. But I've never been a fashion forward girl. I guess I cling to my tomboy image. But I do now enjoy wearing something slightly nicer than my sport t-shirts and jeans! That's like my school and day look. At night, I tend to dress up a little, and put on a bit of makeup depending on what I'm wearing and where I'm going. I guess it's one of my secrets. I love fashion, but most people don't know it. If anyone ever looked at my computer they would be suprised by my folder of runway looks that I love.

Time to get a move on, on things I must do today!

Busy Lately

Well, since gotten back from Dbq I've been crazy busy! Had to get things ready to send my brother off to school since he left on Monday! Since then, I've been packing up his stuff cuz of course he didn't. He only packed his clothes and his soccer stuff. So I'm stuck running his errands to get things he needs for school, apparently I got volunteered to do that while I was in Dbq and no one bothered to ask me if it was okay. Been observing a couple of hours every week too, so that usually fills up my afternoons. Went to a Cubs game on Tuesday night vs. the D'backs! Cubs kicked their ass 9-3! :) Was an awesome game! Plus I love Chicago style hot dogs with onions and garlic on them! Yum! Rest of the week been busy doing my usual stuff. Been studying for the GRE and what not!

Yesterday, Christa came to visit me for the evening! Fun! Made dinner and then we left to play sand volleyball. Had fun doing that, then we all went out to eat at Taco Grill. Then we went to Ben's and drank Coronas around a fire! Overall it was fun night to just kick back and chill! Arlene was finally home! YEAH! But she left me for Vegas now! :( Oh well, no big deal! Well, I have to go to the post office now to send a package for my Dad. I'll be outta town until Monday, I think! I'm going to Akron to move in my brother into his house, and then I might be going to Pennsylvania...I dunno yet. Well catch me if you can! later~