Sand Volleyball!!!

Yeah!!! I found a group to play sand volleyball with and they are good!!! So it was awesome playing with them! I knew most of them, or knew of them. Several of them went to Westview with me, but the rest of them went to Central, but they were a year younger than me. So it was nice to see them and hangout! I don't think I've ever been sandier in my entire life! Head to toe was covered in sand from diving and what not! It was a blast! Nice to find a group that likes to do stuff and will be calling me to join because they enjoyed me being there! I seemed to have blended in quite well! :) Yeah for making new friends who get up off their lazy asses and do stuff!!!! But now i'm sore...so it's time to sleep! Night Night~

Thinking about cutting my hair...

I'm thinking I might go get my hair cut today. I'm just sick of the same long hair. It hasn't been cut in over a year and it's all straggly at the ends...yuck! So I need a hair cut. Sounds about right for me. I like getting my hair cut, I usually do after I get out of relationships. It's kinda symbolic in a sense to me, it's like cutting off the past and part of something that is my past is gone. Ehh...I guess I don't know how to explain it that well. Maybe that makes sense to someone. Hmm...we'll see. One of my sorta friends graduated from cosmotology school and works at some place, but he said he'd cut my hair whenever at his house. So I'm thinking today just might be the day.
In the mean time, is there some cry about using emoticons? I'm a girl and italian, we're on the expressive side so to speak. If any of you have ever talked to me on aim you would know i use them all the time. They are fun to use, just simple faces! But apparently that is a crime to some people. Ehh...whatever~ Well, I have to go start dinner now....so later~

A little get together

Not too much going on today. Been taking care of all the sick people in this house and have somehow managed not to catch whatever the hell they have. This is quite an accomplishment for me because i'm usually the first and the last to get sick and am very suceptible to catching colds. Tonight we went to this party I was absolutely dreading. It turned out being fun. I was suprised. It was for my parent's friends gathering and their children. Only the awesome kids came and not the stuck up, snobby, bitchy, whiny, etc. kids. Well, we're not kids anymore. I'm one of the oldest, the rest are pretty much in high school and college now, so they aren't as bad as they used to be! :) It was fun though chatting with everyone since I haven't seen them in about 5 years now, roughly. I had fun playing Russian Ping Pong!!! I haven't done that since high school!!!! Crazy funness! I got plans to play volleyball with this group of guys now, so at least I have plans for once!! One of the kids there went to high school with me and he mentioned how they never have enough players, etc, and asked if i was interested, so i took him up on the offer. So hopefully he will be calling me sometime soon to play! Would be nice to play with that bunch! Would also be nice to play with my group of friends, but everyone seems lazy and they don't want to play anymore. Gabe said he'd try to get people to play some time soonish...we'll see how that goes. Something tells me the first time people get all there acts together will be the first day i'm supposed to play with the other bunch.....because that is just my luck! lol! ehh..summer is going good.
I find it funny my ex wrote me an email a few days ago saying he's sorry he hasn't called me in awhile and stuff. But when I was in dubuque last week he called one of the guys i was with practically every night....hmm...you know i'm in dbq, why don't you just call my phone..have me not pick up as usual and stop lying to me! You obviously had time to call me when you called balk every night and he was off the phone in less than two minutes, so he could have called me, but no! So now that i'm ready to talk to him, he's not ready to face me. Ha! Oh yeah...you keep calling him because heaven forbid that balk and i hook up. ::cough cough:: That will never happen...ever!! Mark my words on that one....not interested, only intersted in my date guy...but that's not gonna work out now, so in the mean time, i'm just having fun living the single life! :) and i'm loving every second of it! Talked to balk today, he thinks that's why brian can't talk to me. My emails have clearly stated to my ex that i have been going out on dates and i'm over him without using that phrase, while he sees his faults and that he made a mistake by dumping me and now he has to live with it. Apparently he's not dealing with that one well at all, not my problem. I have no regrets about dating him....no regrets that we broke up...but he does! But he has to deal with that....I can't see myself going back to him ever....not if he doesn't change a lot!!! I don't want to change him though, I never wanted to change anyone. I've always wanted people to be themselves. Speaking of which, in the last two weeks i've felt a lot more like myself again. I guess I didn't notice before how "un-tootie" I've been....lol! Everything is all good now! well, maybe i should sleep! Sleep and me haven't been getting along well...oh well....night night~

Updated Picture

Oh yeah, here's an updated picture of me from this year with my two roommates at the Last Call Bar Crawl Seniors 2006! It was an awesome night sending off the seniors at too many bars to count! =)

Quizzes

You Are 48% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist.You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howcynicalareyouquiz/">How Cynical Are You?

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges.You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions.Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist.Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others.And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you.You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically.Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/">What Kind of Soul Are You?

le='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>People Envy Your IngenuityYou're a person with unique ideas, big plans, and a zany outlook on life. Many people look to you for inspiration.People envy your creativity and "who cares?" attitude. They feel very ordinary next to you - and they usually are!

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdopeopleenvyaboutyouquiz/">What Do People Envy About You?

Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm"You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone...Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-) You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear.Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing.The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person. Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life.You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face.Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofseducerareyouquiz/">What Kind of Seducer Are You?

You Are a Lime Margarita

Realistic and grounded, you have the energy to tackle any obstacle that stands in your way. Hyper and driven, you despise lazy behavior of all kinds... especially lazy drunks too tired to dance!

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

You Are The Wheel of Fortune

You represent the cycles of life, death, and rebirth. You embrace change, the the ups and downs of life. Fate is something you accept, even when you could possibly change things. Big things tend to happen to you more than other people. Your fortune: Something huge is about to happen in your life, and you have little control over it. You must accept your destiny, but luckily it is good fortune that has come your way. Big things and big changes are about to come your way. And while things will be intense for a while, they will be followed by a period of rest.

What Tarot Card Are You?

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 40%

Wrath: 40%

Greed: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Envy: 0%

Gluttony: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%

You'll die of a yet to be discovered STD.

How Sinful Are You?

Your Stripper Song Is

I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears "I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it. I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it." You may seem shy, but you can let your wild side out when you want to!

href="http://www.blogthings.com/whatsongshouldyoustriptoquiz/">What Song Should You Strip To?

Alright, well I was super bored! Can ya tell!? Nothing on tv to watch and no one is around so yeah, a fairly boring night. Oh well, was a busy day! Later~

Not Much

Not too much going on really. Went to a movie with Paul last night. I wouldn't recommending seeing The Breakup. It was very dry and wasn't all that great at all. The ending was terrible and overall I thought this movie was like a D. It was just overall very bad. But it was nice to hang out with Paul since I hadn't seen him in two weeks. He's about one of the only people who are home who call me ever plus he practically lives at my house too.
Not too much else going on today, going to do some observational hours this afternoon and tha't about it. I know not really exciting life I lead at the moment. It's pretty much get up, workout (usually running or biking), take care of people around the house, run errands, work on my thesis and grad school stuff. Well, there's a short update. Later~

Past Week

Well, I've been in Dubuque the past week working on my thesis which is going pretty good. It's odd being back in my Lab 19. Half of the room is bare and the other half is remnants of Czar that haven't been removed. The classroom still has the potent smell of his cigerettes. It's hard being back knowing that he's really gone because he will be missed not only by me but a majority of the science students and professors. Thesis work is going, i have 200+ tardigrades collected that are awaiting to be processed, but they can't be processed until I get some chemicals ordered but it's all one big disaster since my new thesis advisor doesn't know what to do anymore. So finishing up this thesis work is gonna be a ball...not!
Spent most of the week with Brita. I hadn't seen her since school got out. We had fun hanging out, playing with her pets, and watching anime and movies. We got our traditional chinese buffet meal at 4 seasons! Too bad Becca is back in Madison since she only did the first half of summer school! :( Also means that when i was in dubuque last time will be the last time i will most likely see her before she heads off to study abroad for a year since i'll be graduating next spring! Oh well, I'll come visit and have to play with the Xeno's with her! The rest of the time I spent with the guys, Balk and Charlie. Hung out watched movies, played basketball and frisbee, drank, etc. Went to two movies: United 93 and Scary Movie 4 at the $1.50 theater! I think that's about the best cheap entertainment in Dubuque! United 93 was done really well. It was definately harder to watch than I thought it would be. It brought back a lot of memories of 9/11. It was hard to watch knowing that all the dialogue spoken on the phones were exact words during these people final hour. Overall, i think it's a movie that anyone part of this generation needs to see because of the events of 9/11. Scary Movie 4 was alright, had fairly funny parts, but you defiantely had to see the movies it spoofed to understand what is going on. Balk and I had no problem with that because we had seen those flicks, but Charlie hadn't and he was a little lost especially cuz he didn't see The Grudge which was the main movie spoofed. It was an okay film, i'm not crazy about the scary movie films.
Overall, I had a good time in Dubuque except I missed Sam! :( Oh well, I'll see her in a month when i'm back doing research again. On the way back from Dubuque, I stopped in to visit Tyson since he's the only one of the group I hadn't seen I think 2 years now. That was fun hanging out, watching movies, drinking, etc. Too bad i suck at chain 6....damn card game! lol!
Well, the rest of this week I'll be doing observational hours two days a week, assembling thesis info on my computer, reading, and looking at grad schools.....which is pretty much what I have been up to most of the summer! Probably go visit Christa some time this week since i haven't seen her in like 2.5 weeks now. =(
My date boy called me while in Dubuque! =) As perfect as we both are for each other, I know it's not gonna work out. It would be pointless to date someone for the rest of the summer who is about 3 hrs away doing summer school and then when the school year turns around he'll be 6-6.5 hrs away. We virtually wouldn't spend anytime together what so ever, so what would be the point? Why should we ruin a good friendship that has remained that way because we are shy and scared. We all know that i'm old fashioned and will never make the first move. As much as I wish, we both know it's not a reality at this moment. Maybe some day, but probably not until i get done with grad school and get settled down a bit if we ever do finally have perfecting timing to say the least. In the mean time, I'm enjoying myself and having fun! Single and loving it, no regrets and no having to account to a boyfriend with twenty million questions. It's been good to see my friends from Loras this past week. They make me wish I was there all summer with them. Too bad i'm back at home and no one is really around besides rich and paul! ahhhh!!! later~

Date :)

So my date last night was great. Maybe not you're typical real date, but it was fun nonetheless. It was something we both enjoyed. I dunno why I won't tell people who it is. I just don't want to, not that i'm hiding anything, but the fact that I don't want ten million questions. Everyone assumes I went to high school with him since i made mention of not seeing him in ~4 years now. But anyone who knew me and knew me well, would know I mostly dated guys outside the Central realm.
Anyway, back to the date topic. Well, I went to his house and he cooked/grilled out dinner for me! :) I've never had a guy single handedly cook for me. I always cook for the guy or he helps me out so it's 50/50. But never did I not have to cook despite me offering a hand to do so. It was really sweet and it turns out he's a good cook too. I told him I owe him dinner another day.
Well about 7:30 it started down pouring and we were sitting outside on his deck eating fruit for dessert. So that was a fun scramble inside.
Well I had a good rest of the night. We talked and caught up, watched Sleepy Hallow (since he told me to bring a movie, so in decisive me brought 3 cuz I didn't know what I'd later be in the mood for! lol!), watched some tv, played some games, etc. I had a great time with him. It's nice to know that the guy who had eyes for me still did, but unfortunately our timing sucks. Too bad our timing sucks. I'm pretty certain that a part of me will always like him no matter what. That has been the case for the last ~4 years now.
He wrote me a really sweet e-mail last night. To sum it up, it pretty much said he had a great time. He wishes I went to college with him or somewhere even remotely near him cuz he said he wished he could come see me all the time. He told me again how he felt about me, but that we both agreed it wasn't the smartest thing to start a relationship now, but he hopes that one day we will.
Unfornately, we've never had good timing or seem to be going in the same direction in life. He's getting done with school this spring and I'm off to graduate school, so I don't think that's going to work all that great either. Sucks because he is one of those people who will always mean something for me despite that fact that nothing has ever happened between us. He kissed me quickly and sweetly good night, and that's been it. We've always been so shy around each other. He makes me so nervous and really shy and I can't to begin to tell you why.
It's good to be back in the game and I'm loving every second of it. No regrets. :)

Odd to think now

Even now people refer to Brian and I as a couple. It's odd. It seems like forever one moment and then not the next. It's funny how people still say that want what Brian and I had. I laugh now thinking about it. You want a guy that lives five years into the future? You want a guy that gets scared so easily and is always afraid of losing you if you spend a night out with other people and god forbid I go to the bars or parties drinking without him?! It was a crime for him not to know where i was all the time it seemed like. We practically always had to do or hangout with his friends or do things he wanted than to hang out with my friends, who he decided he didn't like very much. It wasn't fun. Yeah we had great times hanging out just the two of us and there were feelings there. Part of me thinks i might have fallen in love with him, but i'm not sure what love really is, but the point is, I don't miss him. I miss the feeling of having someone there for me no matter what, something he didn't always do. It's nice having someone there who will listen and understand completely even if you don't say much. Someone to hang out with and have little inside jokes with which mean a lot more to us than anyone else. I miss the way he smiled at me and the way he told me he cared about me and the way he held me and kissed me. But i don't miss him, i just miss those feelings. I know somewhere out there there is someone for me, but i'm too young to want that now. I want a world before i find that right person. I want to be the ambitious girl i am, but i'm not too ambitious, i can get these things I want. I want to go to grad school, i want a job i'm going to love, i want to travel, I just want so much. So much that i can have, but not with someone so insecure and inconsiderate of the things i want in my life. I would give up everything for the right one if i knew it was real, but i'm not ready to do that. When the time comes i'll know, but until then, i'm gonna live my life the way i want.

Yesterday was fun going to the Cubs game with Rich. We had a good time! Too bad they lose 3-2 to the Astros, oh well. It was fun nonetheless. I loved walking the streets of downtown chicago all by myself. I've never done that before. I had to meet rich and a friend at the ballpark and he was gonna drive me home, so i took the train down to union station and then walked the 7 blocks over to catch the red line! :) It was fun taking in the sights. I really do like chicago, I guess i never realized how much I really did. Being away at college makes me miss things that i'm not sure i really knew i missed. It's been a lifetime since i've been down in chicago for anything besides a sporting event, usually driving directly there. But this time i had free time to wander the street and was completely on my own. It was a great feeling. I think i forgot what it was like to be single and how good the sun can feel on my face all by myself. It's good. I feel good and I feel happy!!

On an exciting note, I'm going on a date this Saturday! :) Looking forward to it, but i feel the need to keep it to myself. I haven't seen this guy in practically four years now, i guess i'm afraid he might not be the same guy he was then. But it doesn't matter. I date would be good for me, and he knows i'm not looking for anything right now. It would just be a nice offical date and catching up.

Next week i'll be back at Dubuque working on my thesis! :) Can't wait to do that and see everybody again! I missed you guys!!!

A New Summer

This summer has brought a new me. I once again single me. A girl who can go out have fun laugh and be herself. I no longer have to be the girl shut up and not doing anything and always having to detail her activities and actions to her boyfriend. It's nice, I really missed it! Not that i don't miss my boyfriend, but just things weren't okay anymore. We drifted apart through tough times and finals. I had been questioning us for quite some time, but in the end it was him who bailed on me. I went through some really rough times with my closest professor dying right at then end of the school year which effected my thesis work, class work for him, etc. Long story short, the one person who should have been there for me bailed on me. I felt betrayed and hurt because i lost someone who was one of my best friends. It's weird. Anyways, currently we're taking the summer apart and then we'll see where we are, but i have my doubts. He thinks we might get back together, is it bad that i don't?! When you date someone you tend to ignore the flaws, but when you break up and step back, it's those glaringly obvious flaws that make me not want to be with him unless he grows up! I feel bad that i got over him so quickly, he meant a lot to me, but i realized how unhappy i've been. My happiness was a hazy fog, but i didn't notice it anymore until i found a clearing in the fog. Once you're out of the fog you just don't want to go back, it's just that simple. So it's nice being single once again. I know i can do better than him, not that i'm full of myself or anything, but i'm just too ambitious for him. Yeah i'm ambitious but i can achieve my goals and i will. Apparently that is intiminating to him, that i want something in life and to know what that is. I know me and him will be friends, because we have a very strong friendship. I just can't see myself with him again until he grows up. Even though he wants me back right now, i just can't. I can't go back knowing that nothing is different, that he hasn't changed one bit. It's just that simple. It's hard knowing that we both like each other still, but aren't together for reasons. But the thing is, i've moved on and i just don't think about him the way i used to. I haven't now for quite sometime. It honestly took me less than a week to feel fine, not think about him anymore, or shed any more tears. I'll always be me, the girl who is way too independent for her own good. A girl with too many secrets. But i like who i am, flaws and all.

Well, it's been nice seeing my old friends from practically 4 years ago, my senior group of friends, and meeting a few new additions. It's odd though. I don't really know any of them all that well anymore. I feel bad that I didn't keep in touch, but i'm glad we're talking again. They were my second favorite group in high school to hang out with, the first being anh, dave, and arlene which were part of the 2nd group! Lately it's been fun hanging out with a group who likes to do things and play sports. I miss the about being at school becuase we would always have a group to do something!

It's been nice, people from my past dropping in on my present. I can't help to just regret one thing in my life. My letter guy, we started talking again. Too bad he's not home for the summer. I really regret my choices about him. He's the one thing i do think about and have. I can't even being to explain why. I wonder how things would be different. I really think i wouldn't have gone to loras, but loras has had it's ups and downs, but in the end it's been a worth while trip. It's a regret in my life, the only one i have. I have to live with it, but it's always that one huge "What if.." deal. What if i had choosen differently? What if everything. I liked him forever. I will always wonder and always regret. It will always be what if concerning him... Another story another day...

In the mean time, been working on my thesis work...back to research for that and for applying to grad schools! I'm excited for a new destination and adventure!!! :)