Graduated!

That's right, May 13th I graduated from the good old LC!!! :) Super proud of myself and my B.S. in Biological Research!!! :)

The last week of school was a blast especially after finals were over! Had a great time with everyone! Met a boy too! Why do I always have to meet a great guy when I don't have the time?! Of course, I met him before, but we just started talking on a regular basis that last week of school! He's got another semester in dbq and well i'm back in Chi-town! But at last good news, we're going on a date on Saturday night! :) I'm excited! He won't tell me where or what or anything though! He's like I want to surprise you! So i'm psyched and super excited about that one! Sucks cuz I know he's there and I'm back at home...oh well, but it will be fun!!!! I'm heading to dbq for the weekend to go on a last hurrah with my girls in dbq and to see other people too!

Know something odd, I'm chatting online with the one guy I had liked recently, and it just didn't phase me. I simply didn't care anymore. I haven't in awhile, just dawned on me though cuz we hadn't talked. Great guy, but our timing has always sucked and will continue to and it doesn't bother me anymore. It did for awhile, maybe cuz of other circumstances like we were actually going to be close to each other, but then there were changes in plans as always! It was nice for him to visit anyways, but I dunno, I hadn't truly thought about him in awhile. It's me, I don't get hung up on guys, well only one in my life ever....that was junior year of high school, honestly if u don't know who that guy is, you don't know me or you didn't know me then! It's the one guy I've liked since the first day of junior year in high school, he sat right behind me in 10th period rhetoric with ms. bannon! Reminds me, I can't remember the last time him and I talked recently, probably like fall semester early on. I'm almost positive. He was asking me about my tardigrades again! Thought it was cute he remembered! :) But that's another story!

It was nice to see my high school friends at helm's graduation party! Felt bad cuz I got bored and bugged out with all intentions of heading back over! Oh well, it's me it happens! Had fun though chilling with everyone! Headed home to get some of my school work done that is due here in about a week and half! So good job on me with being productive, but it made me sleepy and I hadn't slept so I fell asleep!

Hmm...what else! Oh yeah, I went to Daytona Beach, Florida after graduating with my girls for about a week! We had so much fun! Beach, drinking, going out, swimming, etc! It was a good time! :) I really will miss them so much! Yeah for one last hurrah in dbq this weekend!!! :)

Brad and I made amends after not talking for a very long time, like over a month, lol! Well, more like he apologized for a lot of thing during the last week of school. So we hung out a bit that last weekend there! After graduation everyone was out with their family and mine literally left 20 minutes after graduation to go home. Didn't take me out for lunch or anything! Just kinda came to the ceremony, took a few boxes from my house, and drove back home! :( Boo to them! Anyways, I was bored and Brad had texted and called me....so I ended up heading down to his place to help him move like 4 doors down! Nice to chill and catch up and not have him trying to be all over me! Although I was still wearing my graduation stuff and he said I looked beautiful which honestly shocked the hell out of me. I mean come on, it's Brad, end of story! Anyways, he had been calling and texting me while I was in Florida, same when I got back! So I ended up heading out to his place to chill with him and his friends! I like his friends, well the ones that I know! I still will laugh about what Brad said though. He's like Dave thinks you're hot and that you are the cutest and best girl I've had around me. Sorry I was laughing so hard when Brad told me this cuz yeah I'm not those things at all! Brad and I have been chilling back at home. He called evil ex roomie and bitched at her on the phone and told her i was there and all this other BS just to piss her off! I laughed, and he totally tried to make out with me while leaving her a voicemail! lol! it was hilarious! It's been fun hanging with him and his friends and neighbors! Brad is trying to be Mr. Nice Guy again, aka the good Brad. The one that I tend to like a very tad bit in a fun way! As soon as I get there every time he's all hugs, smiles, and usually gives me a kiss. The first time I headed up there and when I got there he's like I've missed you. Okay stop there, Brad doesn't miss people, if you don't know him, he's kinda of a jerk. Think like typical jock, cuz he is one. Anyways, he's like I really missed you and I didn't realize how much until I saw you again! He spent those two nights with at least one arm around my waist or holding my hand. Just odd. Don't ask. It's complicated and I don't like him like that to end any suspicions, etc. It's too much of story to tell or even begin to explain. Simply, he likes me, we were kinda together off and on, never dated, I got accused of lying, hated I liked someone else, that that someone else came to visit, in which he met him and made a huge deal about it, talking about a million girls to me which obviously drives me away cuz I'm not a jealous type, we fight a lot like we're married/siblings it's a fine line as to which some days, lol, but we have really good chemistry that I can't explain. Brad and I have had amazing chemistry from early on, we just hid it for reasons, but now people kinda know about it! It's complicated like I said. Anyways, he's by far my closest guy friend at school and someone who i've spent a lot of time with just hanging out and chilling with other people as well! It was good to see a good friend, have a few drinks, catch up, and be told that I'm actually missed! PLUS, it's also good to just good to get outta the house cuz I feel trapped here! Grr...hate that!

In response to comment left my Tianxiao's comment from the previous post, I just don't want to blog on the main page of killbam cuz no one really wants to read me blogging. Plus I don't find it appropriate to write what I do on the main page because it does not apply by any means. But I think I'm going to keep this up still nevertheless. I like it. I didn't realize you read it since I'm not linked off the killbam page anymore cuz Jeff removed my link. If people want to read this blog they can get it off my profile on the forum page. This blog was originally for you guys, but now it's for me more than anything else. It's for you too. On that note, I should dedicate this entry to Tian, my one constant reader over the years! :) Thanks!

Because this entry is dedicated to Tian I should rant and rave about how great he is and how he has been a good friend and how I'm always short on words and don't say thanks and that his friendship is appreciated.....but you already know all of that! But for those of you that don't, Tian is AWESOME and THE MAN! Sums it up nicely! He also provides me with anime fixes when I need them! Thanks again! Anyways, Tian is great.....on that note....off to bed, too excited for this weekend especially my date on Saturday!!! :)

Feedback

Should I keep writing this blog or not?! I'm thinking what is the point right now, no one really reads it. I orginally was told to write this so people could keep track of me since I'm the more distant one cuz almost everyone else went to school with our other friends from high school! I was one of the only ones who didn't go to college with any of my friends! So should I keept this or no?!

I'm such a sucker for The Bachelor

Yeah you heard me, I'm such a sucker for The Bachelor. But not that much of a sucker cuz I watched Heroes which has a thirty minute overlap with it and then flip to The Bachelor afterwards! Then tomorrow I'll watch it off of ABC's webpage!!! So I totally blame AMY for me liking this show!!! When we were freshmen we used to tape this show and watch this and ER together with Rachel. Well, mostly it was Amy who wanted to watch it and before I knew it, it was Amy and me! And we were hooked! lol! Anyways this season of The Bachelor is by far my favorite!!!! Okay for starters, The Bachelor is so HOT!!!! Okay for me to say a guy is really hot and sexy is a big deal!!!! Don't believe me?! See for yourself!!!

See Andy is totally hot and sexy!!! Anyways, he's honestly my favorite bachelor not because he is the hottest, because he's honestly the best bachelor they have ever had. He is an amazing stand up, all around, nice guy! He's not an asshole like most of the others have been! He's truly sincere and I actually enjoy this season because of it! He's a special operations Navy diver and a doctor and has some amazing values to top it off! I also love this season because I definitely have a favorite girl since early on and she's still in (Tessa).

I love the way Andy courts Tessa. I guess maybe it's because I relate to her and that's what I want from a guy. Plus Andy reminds me of all my favorite ex-boyfriends rolled into one! Just who he is and how he lives his life at least portrays really takes me back to my three favorite ex's and one guy I always wonder about from way back in high school (and if you don't know who this guy is, you really don't know me, I liked him for like two years and we should have dated before senior year, but didn't cuz he thought I didn't like him and he never had a chance..that's what you get for not telling me how you feel, cuz I won't tell you first!). I bet most people could guess two of them, but the third, that's my secret! Obviously the two are my last two longest relationships, Brian (2 yrs) and Vytas (1.5 hrs). Both great guys in their own regards. Went separate ways from both of them with good reasons: Not heading down the same road in life, different religious and family beliefs, too ambitious, needing space, needing time to be on my own, and needing time to grow more before settling too much and I just couldn't do it with him anymore! The last was the honestly one of the hardest things to do, to go against my heart, but I don't regret the break, just all the hell, grief, lies, and hurt! It showed me I needed to grow and mature and be on my own! Anyways, all great guys as I was saying, and maybe it's cuz Tessa reminds me of myself. Both slow, baby steps, like to test the waters, but not to get hurt! I don't pour my heart out to guys, i just can't. They have to tell me how they feel and not the other way around! That's the whole scenario with Andy and Tessa. Andy courts Tessa, tells Tessa how he feels about her, etc. Eventually she gets cornered by Andy to tell her how she feels! The boys is the key to getting me. Not that anyone who reads this really cares. I'm old fashioned and I love it! i like the courting, I like the dates, and I'm way more girly than people think or I'll ever let on! I love those things!

Speaking of courting, after my rant of boys I logged offline and was invisible for a few days and what do you know, many more problems solved! :) Plus I've been sick so I haven't had to see stupid boys! Meaning the ones that are really serious have found me. One of the cutest things ever was this guy who I met at a party about a month ago now, we had a planned date, but to make a long story short, his parents are divorced and his real dad called him, so he went out to visit him for the day since he hadn't seen him in over two years! So he had to break our date, I was disappointed cuz I was looking forward to it. First date since someone came to visit me.....no comment on that one right now, cuz if you read this you should know how I feel even if you don't know who. Anyways, this boy is a good guy, works 14 hours 6 days a week, so he doesn't have a lot of free time considering he gets off from his second job at 11PM usually! :( So I don't get to see him much! But we've hung out a few times since the time we met at the party! Anyways, we talk on the phone 2-3 times a week for about 20 minutes and send texts back and forth this has been going on since we met! So I was sick last week and he doesn't have internet so he doesn't know my screen name, but he brought me a small boutique of lilies! He had no idea in my screen name has lily in it!!! SO CUTE!!! Okay I might be allergic to flowers not that he knew, but I loved them nevertheless! Actually, I'm only really bad with carnations. I'm not bad with lilies and roses! He felt bad about breaking our date, but I totally understood! That's the thing about me, I'm so understanding like you wouldn't believe! Yeah I was disappointed but I definitely understood without question! I have a million reasons why not to fall for this guy, and I'm not going to. He's from Dubuque and I'm from Chi-town and I'm leaving exactly in a week! YEAH for GRADUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) I'm super psyched!

Okay, last entry rant about stupid boys! I retract the statement of not open to the possibility of a boyfriend. There's two right guys and if I had a chance with either I'd take them. But I'm not going to have that chance right now, and I'm not willing to date a guy who is even 3 hrs away from him. Honestly, this guy hear, great guy, he's not my type though. Not that I have a type, I just too many things I don't like and that are lacking the biggest being he never wants to leave Dubuque ever! I'm not okay with that! I'm on a different time table then him with different goals! I'm more mature, let's start with that fact that I'm 2 years older than him! He's 20, and isn't 21 until the end of December, by the time he's 21, I'm already 23! This point and time graduating from college is just a major milestone, and we're on different wavelengths! He asked if he could come visit me in Chi-town some time this summer though! He's like I'm willing to come see you hinting at the fact that he does want to date, but I've set him straight about that! I like hanging out with him and spending time with him and chatting on the phone, but right now is not good for me!

I've never needed a guy in my life, why start now?! Some day, but right now, I don't need it! I miss it! God, I miss the simple things more than anyone would ever know! I'm such a girl, just really undercover about it! I'm a tomboy on the outside and I like a lot of things the guys tend to like, but I'm still strong women surprisingly if you get me to let my guard down! That's the thing, guys get annoyed with me cuz I'm not quick to trust and let my guard down! I'm just not! It's why I'm not close with people and why I feel awkward around them!

Grr..I need to get back to studying!!! Stupid finals! Human Anatomy tomorrow! Wish me Luck!!! :)

Too Many Boys

Too many boys in my life it seems like! AHHH!! I keep meeting guys or getting to know them or guy friends fall for me.....it's actually getting on my nerves. I hate being so pursued right now. To make it very clear at this current junction in my life I do NOT, I reapeat, I do NOT want a boyfriend right now! Honestly, I'm going back to Chi-town in two weeks from yesterday. Going on vaction almost immediately. Then working on my observation hours for Field Experience this semester and finishing up that homework and such! Then I'll probably head out to Akron to visit my brother for a few days and bring him some stuff from home. Then I'll go look for a job and work on applications for grad. school! Do you see any time in there for a boy, cuz I sure don't! I just don't want one right now! It's ME time only until I settle down and figure out what the hell I'm doing! When I do, then I'll go back to being open about relationships, but until then, this girl is not interested even if the two guys who I really do like were to ask me out, I'd say no on the spot. It's not that I let guys guide my life by any means, it's just I need to be alone right now to get down to business and get this life of mine going somewhere!

My rant about boys has been set off by the constant IM's, phone calls, text messages, e-mails, and actual conversations with these guys. There's a handful of them. The one if my friend who will never give up on me, so he tells me, but he hasn't a chance in the world anymore! This friend's best friend has been calling/texting me, but he doesn't know that, he's back at home right now! He came to visit here a few weeks ago to see our mutual friend and asked me for my phone number! Then another guy I met at a party a month ago now, nice guy, we hang out about once a week cuz he works 14 hrs a day monday-saturday! So Sunday is our night to chill out together which has been fun! I have another guy who im's, facebook messages me, emails me, texts and calls me, but that's been going on since the beginning of the semester! We hang out occasionally, i'm pretty busy and he's on the baseball team with my good friend (who is the first one listed who likes me). Oh wait, that one gets better because they are both starting pitchers....you figure out the rest from there! Already had a major incident with both of them randomly showing up at my house uninvited one night..that was a Saturday night from HELL! And that is just me starting...do you see why I'm currently annoyed!

All I want is some space! I don't im, text, call, etc...with them first! They start it and I don't always respond either! Half the time I'm sitting right at my computer and I ignore them! There's two guys I wouldn't mind talking to, the two that I actually like! But the part that sucks is that I haven't really talked to either much lately because I've been too busy with school or out with friends!

Graduation is May 13th!!!! I can't wait!! I'm excited!!! But so much to do in the mean time and I'm sad I'm leaving here! Wish I didn't have to move out of my house, I like my current room and being here and doing stuff here even if it is boring! I have a lot of things that I like to do alone here, running, field work, doing to the lock and dam, hiking, driving around, etc.! I just like doing things on my own more so than with other people! I like being alone to some extent, more than the typical person! You guys know me, i'm a bit of a loner, but hey i love a good cup of tea (ice or hot) and a good book sitting outside or curled up in a blanket in a comfy chair! :)

Today has been long...been tutoring at Senior all day today 7:30-3:00!!! Been working on homework since then pretty much! Took a break to write this obviously! Anyways, tonight i have a softball game and then my normal swim at 8:30 to visit Charlie who is lifeguarding! Well, better get back to the books!!! Almost done with school! YEAH!!! :)