The Rebel that I am

If you tell me I can't do something or I know I shouldn't...chances are I've always wanted to. But now there is a difference between what is right and wrong. I'm the girl who will prove you wrong if I believe in it myself. Tell me I can't do something, chances are I probably will! I've always been like that. I guess that's why I'm a rebel...sometimes more than others! If I know I shouldn't like someone, I probably will just for that fact, but it doesn't mean anything, but that's typical me. I know I'm not supposed to do something, but I'll want to, but again that's just me. I think everyone is like that though, I mean you tell them no you can't do that whatever it is, and I bet they would like to prove you wrong, just because.

I've always been the girl who doesn't give a damn what you think about me. I've never needed anyone's approval or anyone's friendships. I'm just not the type of person who thrives off of other people supporting me, truth is I've always supported myself my entire life! I know friends take offense to that, but the truth is there is a difference between between absolutely needing something and having something nice in your life that you value and cherish in its own way! Friendships I value in a different sort of way! I have my few select very close friends...which makes me a bit sad thinking about it now because it's our last year of college together! :( Amy will be off to med. school probably at Iowa. Rachel will be going to St. Ambrose for grad school. I haven't a clue what Jackie, Margo, and Katy are doing yet, but they all live in Iowa! I don't know where I'm going to grad school, but it won't be in Iowa! It will be in Illinois around Chicago most likely, well, that's what I would like at least! Just sad it's going to be our last year together! Also makes me really happy that I didn't transfer to Augustana or Western Michigan my sophomore year! I was committed to going to Augustana, but then I decided to go back to Loras for a lot of reasons! I'm really glad I did! I didn't enjoy Loras the first year, I really loved Augustana! I loved the people there and hanging out with them and what not! I never had a bad weekend there even if we didn't do much! But for those reasons is why I didn't enjoy Loras so much...I never really made close friends, I mean I made friends, but over the summer and the next school year I got a lot closer to my one group of friends and then I made a bunch of new ones! But I'm so excited for the school year to start! I really can't wait! Yeah! I get to move in a week and a half!!! :) I'm ready to be back and hang out with everyone! But I'll miss people from home since I'm the last to leave for those that go away for school! I'm always the last to leave and the first to return! How typical! A handful of us will be continuing our education too, while other will delay it for a few years for their own reasons.

The next year everything is really going to change. I always be the same person pretty much, but my world will change. Next summer I'll start grad. school. All my friends will be going in different directions for the first time in our lives! Many of us will leave home and find jobs who knows where or go to grad/medical schools around the country! For the first time we'll be really spread out and not concentrated in the midwest! It's going to be different! Makes me realize how much I suck at keeping in touch with people! I did a very bad job of that most of the time when I was at college and we were only 3+ hrs away or more! I'd saw we all averaged to go to school about three hours away from home or, but it makes it more especially when I go west and others went east, so then it's like 6 hrs away! It's these facts more than anything that has been on my mind! It's why I won't commit to any relationship with any guy! I've had chances all summer with different guys! I mean I could have finally gotten one of the guys I've always wanted, but I said no when he asked me out, I just couldn't! Not now, I enjoy talking to him, but I would never see him! He goes to school about 6 hrs away from where I do, so yeah, umm..that's not gonna work for me! No more than 3 hrs away, and even that is a lot! But I'd rather date someone I went to school with or no one! I'm enjoying being single, which is also why I've said no to people who are at home and what not! It's just like wow...can I be single for just a little while?! I haven't really been single in about 4 years! I'm always sorta seeing someone....oh wait....I am now! I'm sort of seeing more than one guy right now....opps! I've been going out on dates with this one guy and just chillin' with another. So yeah...no big deal! I guess that is the one thing that suprises people because I don't talk about any of it! If they ask what I did last night and I saw one of those two guys, I usually say nothing, or I went out with some other friends. Depends who I'm talking to and what not. I mean it's none of anyone's business as far as I'm concerned! I just don't inform people about my personal life.

I think most people would honestly be shocked about my personal life. They would be shocked by the people I've dated. Even more suprised by the guys I've kissed. lol....I will always laugh about a certain guy. Almost every guy who has ever kissed me has asked me out! Although I'd say more than half the guys I've dated asked me out first before we kissed. Weird or what?! I have to shake my head about the one guy junior year of high school! I can't help but laugh, and I bet people wouldn't believe me. But I was the mystery girl, and people we're talking about who is this girl that has this guy all wrapped up in high school! I laughed so hard then and even now! I remember sitting in two of my classes around a few of his friends and they didn't know him and I had been friends and been hanging out. I over heard a lovely story on Monday morning about how this guy has been MIA from there stuff because he's hanging out with some mystery girl. All he would tell them is that I went to Central with them. But the truth is, him and I never saw each other around school! We had very different schedules despite the fact that we took a lot of the same honors and AP courses! So I never saw him at school! I had pre season softball stuff, so I had stuff I always was up to as soon as the official school day ended! Him and I had different passing periods between 4-8 due to our lunch times that were different! So yeah...I never saw him around school! So then the question is how did him and I start hanging out! Well, we did some outside school activities in groups we were in! We worked together doing different programs throughout the week in the late afternoon and evening hours! So yeah...yeah for being the mystery girl. I ended up sitting next to one of his friends and he was chatting with one of their other close friends and they were like who is this girl...lol...and I was sitting right behind him! Ha! Wow...old memories! Back in the day! I bet none of you could guess who that guy was! So funny! Funniest part, I never said yes to dating him! I always said no because he was a great guy, but he wasn't boyfriend material, not at all! We were "seeing each other" for about two months and no one was none the wiser! The quiet girl in the classroom always had a trick up her sleeve! :) Still does! :)