Is it bad that I keep thinking about you?!

I moved into my house at Loras today!!! :) First semester Margo and I are going to share a room, and then second semester we're going to switch with Brita and Andrea for the singles! :) I didn't really unpack though! opps! I'll get around to it tomorrow! Just had more like community moving of large furniture today! Lugged this damn desk out of the room into the dining room! I'll take some pictures when I unpack and find my camera...I think it's in a box at home that my dad is bringing on Saturday!

Tonight was fun hanging out with people! Went out to dinner with Post, Nikki, Hnilo, and Hnilo's brother "Hollywood" as Post would say! Nice catching up with them! Then Hnilo, Hnilo's brother, and me were bored and decided to launch water balloons at the froshies who had to assemble onto the football field. It was funny! Best part is, I didn't get in trouble, but the football guys who were watching us got into trouble! lol! It was fun! Then Balk called me and I met up with him and his apartment to watch Serenity! I like that movie, it's something I haven't ever gotten tired of watching, although I've seen in like 6 or 7 times now! Still good! Then Balk, Rubbs, and me hung out after the movie because everyone else went to bed! Then we headed down to visit the girls, Jean and Beer! :) Nice to see them both! Met Jean's boyfriend Marty?! (I think that was his name, opps!) Had a good time hanging out with them! I've missed my friends! Well that's one of the groups, I'm not sure I'll be so close with them when Tlach comes! We'll see! It's just like I'm invited over whenever, but it's HIS place too, ya know?! I mean I don't want to seem like the girl who is hanging around, but the truth is, I honestly don't feel a damn thing for him anymore, I haven't for awhile! But things are going to be a little weird for me just because! Partially because I realize that I'm not as close with some of them because I was dating Tlach and spent so much time with him! It's just weird because the last two school years I've been dating him and now I'm not! It's just weird not having someone around if that makes any sense! Maybe that's why I thought of you tonight! Last night wasn't what I planned for our last night! Things were said that had to be, but even after knowing all of that, I still can help to wish you were here with me! To wish it was you at my door kissing me and picking me up (but not dropping me on my head! lol) I miss you! I know I shouldn't, I should be missing a different guy that I had been seeing this summer, but no, it's you that I miss! Bad timing I know, but I've always liked you as my little secret over the years! You've always been there for me no matter what! You've never turned your back on me! I know you've changed and you're not that asshole you used to be, and I'm glad you've changed! But that part of you is in there somewhere and has made you a better person, but it's still a part of you, a part I can't ignore! I wish I could ignore those things, but I know I can't! I've always known that you wanted me....I've always been a tease with you! But it's been too little too late, as the summer has whined down, you decide to pop back into my life, but bad timing! You actually had a chance for once! Amazing I know, although you think you've always had a chance with me and that a part of me has always liked you! Truth is, I liked you when I first met you, but that slipped away very quickly, but this is the first time I've actually started to like you in what about 5 years now!?! It was sophomore year of high school! Wow, time has slipped by! But I was out having fun, but out of leftfield, you entered my mind! I wish you hadn't, but you did! I thought about calling you, but I knew you'd be at work until midnight or 1AM! :( Boo! But you're at home, and I'm in Dubuque, 3 hrs away! It's weird knowing that there's something going on between us right now, but we're not 20 minutes apart anymore! I remember sitting there during the movie and thinking about you! How we've never watched a movie ever when we hang out! I mean we've never even thought about putting one in, not that we were "watching" one and didn't see any of it...lol! The only time we watched a movie was when we went to the movie theater...I think a grand total of 2-3 times!!!! I just thought about last night! The way you grabbed me and pulled me up close to you on the couch! I enjoyed it then, and miss it now! I sit at my computer typing this, and thinking about last night with you!

Although we didn't leave on a high note persay, I think our very serious conversation had many good points! I think we became closer, but at the same time it made me put up a wall! I also feel bad that for some reason, you have a million reasons why not to let someone close to you! But it's you who chase me, always have and always will, even you say so yourself! I'm the girl you always wanted, but I'm not easy! Still not....nor ever will be! I like the newer u, the changed you, it's that guy who I started to like! Not that I didn't like you before, it's just I never took you seriously or really liked you more than friends! I feel bad you think that I've always liked you on and off when we see each other, but that's only true for you! I've never really liked you until now! But now I know I could never be with you after our little talk! Knowing that makes me wish I wouldn't think about you! But I am. Is it bad that I keep thinking about you!?!? I wish I had more time to know.